song

There's a song which i could really relate to . The song entitled out of reach from Gabrielle.

Here it goes.....


Knew the signs
Wasn't rightI was stupid for a while

Swept away by you
And now I feellike a fool


So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I everloved by you?


Out of reach, so farI never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Catch myself
From despairI could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK


But I wasSo confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I everloved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be


So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside

And I hopethat in time,
You'll be outof my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I everloved by you?
Out of reach,
So farI never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be


Out of reach,
So far
You never gaveyour heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a lifeout there
For me

my fav man on earth.,(but he's now beyond earth:) )

Isn’t he handsome? Most people say that he was a nice guy, with a good sense of humor. Some would say that he has been a good nurse, good friend, makulet son and authoritarian brother. He had also a good feedback from his teachers as well as his Clinical Instructor way back in his college years. Am I sound too proud?. hehehe Don’t be confused, its not myself I am talking about. It’s my kuya. But he’s no longer here anymore. Well, this story has been told to many people since that incident happened.

I was in the church that time when my sister ran towards me and told that our brother was rushed to the hospital because he met an accident when he’s about to go to his girlfriend’s house which an approximately 25 kilometers away from our place (we never blamed for that).We had to rush him to Davao Medical Center because he had a damage on his head and need to undergo CT scan and we found out that blood clotting occurred in his head and operation was needed as soon as possible. After that day he went to an operation and it was successful. We never worried about what to spend because in some reasons we were abundant with money, support rendered by those people who love him.

The operation went well and the doctor said that compare to other patient which undergone that kind of operation my brother has the fastest improvement. In that statement, our hopes of having him alive were really high. After that day we(me and his friends) had planned to transfer him to the hospital were he worked but the night came and our big expectation were collapsed when someone told us that he passed away. When we first heard that news we never convinced because from what we heard from his doctor, he had a great development. It was cold rainy night(i think the weather added the sorrow that i had felt that time), not minding if we'll got sick we rushed to our friend's house to call my sister who was at the hospital and the news was confirmed. We were all shocked and only one thing came to my mind. It was only a big WHY??.It was so hard for me to accept that kuya died with out even seeing me before he died and that lead me to a guilt that he never feel my love and support when he was still in the hospital which was actually opposite to what I really wanted to happen. I was very eager to visit him to the hospital but because we are in Digos and kuya admitted at Davao Mom just told me to stay at home and just attend my class because we really expect for his recovery to be really quick.

The burial had passed,many friends and girlfriends were also there and we were just laughing about the fact that kuya had a lot of girlfriends at the same time. But mind you, all those girl accepted that fact even since they had their relationship with my kuya. We were still in denial about what had happen. We only think that kuya was just went abroad .We know that we should accept that mere fact but than that was the only way for us to escape form the excruciating pain of losing our only boy in our family.

It's been 3 years since then and we already accepted that kuya is not longer with us anymore. But though he's not here, our sweet and happy memories were stay in our hearts.

I wish he'll be in my birthday:)

be with me:)

Regarding this bits and pieces I want you to know that I’m new in to blog stuff and im not good to construct interesting topics so just don’t expect a lot from this blog site of mine..ü Some of my lines doesn’t really makes sense at all so bear with it. To begin with, I want to you to have an idea who and what kind of person I am. This will serves as my “about me” (parang friendster ang tirada!LoL!)

Being “Carl Lesley Jandayan could not be easy. I am running closely to 18(pwede n mkulong) but I can’t feel the essence of being one. If you would ask those people who are really close to me and who really knew me they would say that I don’t act as my age. Their first impression towards me was that, aside of having a “carl” in my first name they also said that I appears to be boyish but I cant blame them because that’s true but of coarse it’s just the appearance I know my self and I know that I am a real lady.(but I guess that’s not the right term..Hahaahah) I’m just a typical girl which you could not be noticed in a crowd. I belong to this what we called “broken” family. Honestly I don’t take it as an issue like some people does ‘cause since I grew up with out the guidance of a father. Though there sometimes which we went to his place but the feeling of having a father was already gone but I know in my heart, he loves me as much as I do. It’s just that I’m not used to have a father. Well, enough for this melodramatic information about me. Just like what I’ve said. I’m just an ordinary girl who wants to be happy in every little thing I have and to make the most out of my existence here in earth. Like anybody else, I laugh when I’m happy and cry when I’m sad. I drink sometimes and go out at night just to do some crazy stuff. I would also admit that I’m easy to fall in love that’s why I’m also easy to be fool in love. Make sense? hehehe

I’m not really in to internet and girl stuffs. I’m more on T.V. and music. I do lot of texting and sending group messages especially when I avail unlimited text which nowadays are very common. Don’t be bothered if in some instance I act like a child and sometimes I’m very serious. Actually, I’m have this MPD which means Multiple Personality Disorder…

just kiddin’!

Let’s just go to my wants and hates. I love to sing (in the banyo!jokeJ) but I hate to sing in a crowd cause I’m easily get conscious whenever people would stare at me. I love to eat but I hate myself for being one. I hate being late but I love to sleep a lot. I love extreme sports but I hate the price they offer. I love books but I hate reading because it made me sleepy. What else could I say??.hmm?.. Well I guess that’s it. To know more about me, just be with me! :)

Need to be motivated

If I would be given a corner where I would put all my academic awards, I cud never fill even a one fourth of it. In my entire school existence I never reached neither the first nor the second place. I've always (I mean not literally always) just a third placer, and not going beyond being one. But that was just in my grade and high school days. I don know, maybe number three really loves me..hahaha and mind you i 'm not a kind of student who really study every night, working on an assignment, and i don't even have notes.
I brought these attitudes when i reached college. I know these could never lead me to success but i dont know, i think i really need to have a motivator to stop these laziness stuffs. But somehow, I really working it out nowadays because there were times that many assignments were not done well and I’m always in rush to do something because I overslept. Before, i used to waste my eleven hours for just sleeping and take note, in that eleven hours it does not yet included my "tulala and ligid2x" moment. But now i'm only just spending eight hours sleeping. See that improvement? Hehehe but currently i'm working on my study habit. Study habit, that’s the reason why my mom will get mad at us (my sis and I) ‘coz we never had this they called study habit since I started going to school. That’s why we’re now having a hard time to discipline ourselves to really study. Good thing when I’m in our house my sister does not longer spend a lot of time watching T.V. which is the main reason why we’re not used to study. My R.N. friend once told me that we must really read, understand and take note in order to become an effective R.N. So I decided to take that advice seriously. In times when I really feel asleep I fight for that feeling to just have a small time to read the notes of my room mate., honestly speaking I would accept the fact that I’m a parasite..:)
when I was young my mom also told us that we should really study hard for our future to have a better job when we already have our own family so that we would never just depend on our husband and if ever he would left us we could be able to take care of our children even without his support. I think mom was right and I really bear that in my mind and I promise to myself that I should really have a good job, what ever it takes.

The stupid childish princess and her frog prince

Its 10:40 in the evening, Monday I am thinking of what I should write on my blog for our C.E. requirement and suddenly two people pop up into my mind. I don’t know why but slowly anger inside of me came so I decided to take that moment to write this blog.
Here it goes….

There was this guy who appears to be so sweet and so nice. We’re actually classmates. We formally meet when we had our groupings in a certain activity in one subject. Then we had this term so called “textmates”. We exchanged thoughts over the phone. After months later, he asks permission to court me and I said yes cause I though he was genuine. Then the courtship started when I discovered that his ex-girlfriend has the same name as mine. At first it was just nothing but I was alarmed when I asked my friend to pretend as a girl and be his text mate. Then the show began. He (my friend) texted him and asked personal things he also asked about her ex-girlfriend. At the middle of the conversation he (the manliligaw) carelessly talked about me that he likes me especially my eyes and I have the same name as his ex. I was blissful that time when I received those messages (my friend forwards all the messages whenever they talks about me). But one message really leads me to anguish when he texted “hindi q man yon xa talga mahal….crush2 lang…n_n..”
But I ignored it. Days pass by, courtship is still going on and it seems so true. So, months later I finally say yes to him. It felt so real but then days later, a girl texted me “walang hiya ka, ang kapal ng mukha mong ipagapalit aq sa isang walang laman ang utak. ..sa susunod naman pumili ka nman ng mas maganda at yong may laman ang utak!”as if it’s wrong sent. I knew it was not, I knew she meant it because she confronted me about her real intention. She asked me why that guy courts me when he had a promise to this girl that he would wait for her until she steps college. I just answered “I don’t know, ask him”. I tried to ignore her but I can’t help it she provoked me and then I said “if you want him back then I’ll give him to you” then she replied “no thanks hindi aq pumupulot ng basura”.then I smile and ask my self, is she insane? At first she seems to have the eagerness to bring him back and now I am willing to give that guy to her and then she said no.,??!!!,a big NGEEE! She also told me that my boyfriend said to her that he would find a right time to break up with me when my boyfriend actually told me that he would also find a right time to tell the girl to stop communicating with him.
I was really confused and annoyed that time so I texted the guy behind this confrontation and told him about all the text and I was so disappointed when he replied “pasagdi lan na xa”..then I told to myself “Ya** ginainsulto n gani q tapox ingnan lang q niyag pasagdan?!.bwi**t!
I was really pissed off that time and I told her that she’s very childish and I asked her to stop texting me coz she’s very annoying but she still she never stopped texting childish stuff and it really annoys me. I ignored her because I know it’s worthless. That day passed and I realized that we should not fight over a guy so I apologized for what I’ve said which could hurt her feelings because I know she was desperate and maybe she never intended to insult me that way. So I write her a message and send my apology. Honestly I was really hoping to hear just simply sorry for what she said but then she failed me and she never did. She said “I don’t need to say sorry because I know it’s all true.” I don’t know, I sincerely apologize but when I received that message it brings back my anger and I wish I never humble myself. But there’s also an assurance in her letter she said that she would never text me and my boyfriend. I don’t but maybe this girl is so inconsistent because just days later she texted her ex-boyfriend (who was actually my boyfriend that time) and asked him to get back to her. Surprisingly my boyfriend refused and I was glad he did it. So I was confident that time that my boyfriend would never entertain that girl anymore.
But I was wrong days, weeks and months passed by when I knew that they’re still communicating. I told him not to entertain that girl but he still do so. That was the beginning of our continuously fight. With the same old reason. He often lies to me. Every time I asked him if that girl still texting him he would deny it.
10 months later I made decision to make him choose either he would stop communicating with her or we will just end our relationship. Expectedly he chooses to break up with me.
So I let him go. I’ve changed my no so that I would never tempt to text him. But now we still see each other and he had also my new number….


I experienced withdrawal syndrome for the past two months, if you know what I mean. But now I’m at a snail's pace in terms of healing. Frankly I still have this felling of bitterness, anger towards the sweet couple (the ex-girlfriend and the best ex-boyfriend ever..LOL). Actually I’m really angry it’s just that sometimes all the hurtful things and insults I got from that 3rd year high school student and at the same time the feeling of being betrayed by the person who I consider as my other behalf and the one whom I least expect to hurt me will just pop into my mind and they never said even just sorry for what they did. Maybe a simple sorry could slightly erase the pain and anger. I think they deserve each other because Liar belongs to Liar (hahaha PEACE poh..^_^).
But I know time would heal all the twinges.

INTIME………………………….


Note:
*A simple sorry could not kill you*

P.S.
(Sorry for some wrong grammars*technical error lang yan*lol)

Love sucks!

Love plays devastation with your body chemistry, causing you to act as if an addict bent on scorching her next fix. Studies have found, for instance, that serotonin levels decrease by up to 40 percent in the newly smitten, causing some to show signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder, a condition associated with low serotonin –which is why you cant seem to get the other person out of your mind. Additionally, cortisol, a stress hormone linked with the fight-or-flight response, is released, so you’re constantly on high alert. Sounds familiar?
Research published in 2005 by a team that include Brown and Fisher found that people who had recently fallen in loved showed strong activity in the area of the brain that produces and receives dopamine. Gamblers and drug addicts experience similar dopamine activity. “You’re not supposed to be satisfied,” explains Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey. “you’re supposed to be driven so that you can win the person and eventually stabilize your internal chemistry.”
When a relationship ends, you experience symptoms that are similar to an addict’s withdrawal. Your dopamine levels go down, so your mood suffers. Your serotonin levels remain low, so your obsessive-compulsive disorder symptoms may not go away. In response to these imbalances, some scientist believe, risk-taking tendencies go up. “When you can’t have someone but you’re not willing to accept, you try harder and become more extreme about it,” says Fisher. Paradoxically, she says, this compulsive behavior may help you move on faster: “Either you win the person back or you him away.”

ilovemygayfriendsü

My first blog is dedicated to my lovable Gay friends...


in our generation, gays are warmly accepted but then there are still close minded people who discriminate the third sex. But i don care! they're the one who brought laughter in my life and i love being with them though i know that they're somehow "bastos" and naughty in many ways but still it's the way on how people interpret the them. To be honest i learned bad/naughty/crazy stuffs when I'm with them but i cant and they wont force me to the same things that's the most admirable about them. I have a lot of gay friends: Narci(my best friend),Hashim (having his/her confusing stage.lol),orbita(multi talented one!), Kim(who's not in the pics.the formal oneü) and many more.I meet most of them in high school particularly in 4th year .Mostly in my high school days, they're the one whom i spend time more. We enjoy stuffs that people could call as weird but for us it's cool!.OppS!
i can assure you that it's not something to do with those green stuffs.hahaha
No dull moments when I'm with them. Although sometimes we argue but still that fight or i should say "tampuhan" never took so long.
Some people were like sayin' "unsa mana sila ui mga bayot, salot!" and then laugh at them but who cares?!
they're still human being like any body else who have been part of my life and to be honest, sometimes i wonder if i really am a girl or what.lol

just kiddin'!

*sigh* i really miss these people i hope i could find time to be with them.

testing

testing,.,,..


testing,.,,



hihihihi..

pwd maulaw?!


dont be confused, this is just a sort of testing .,.weeeeh